Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

Today I experienced the most frightening day of my life.  Without getting into too many details, today at work I felt scared.  Like heart pounding, fear for your life scared.  While I was able to go through the motions and activate crisis plans at work, my mind was not present.

It's one of those "awakening" moments that makes you feel, deeply, what matters to you.  As my heart pounded in my chest and my body shook subtly all over in fear, I thought of my husband first.  And how badly I just wanted him to be there with me.  Then of my children, and my parents. Texting my husband and mom to let them know what was happening, that I was ok, and that I loved them.

Then the text from my mom "Am Praying" sent me such relief.  Because I knew that I wasn't alone.  I was ok.  And no matter what happened I knew that God was with me, and watching and that even if I was going to die, I'd be ok.

These 20 minutes I spent in silence, in fear, I knew that I had done what mattered to me in my life. I am a kind person, I help teenagers, I am a good mom and a loving wife. I'm there for my family when it counts. It doesn't matter how much I workout, whether or not I have one or 2 glasses of wine at night, if my house is clean or if I have my kids playroom organized.  That stuff DOESN'T MATTER.  The stuff I spend precious minutes worrying about doesn't matter.  What a relief.  I'm doing what matters already...the rest is just fluff.

It's sad that working in a public school makes you feel unsafe, and know that you can be vulnerable to someone else's instability, it's terrifying.  But I"m focusing on the positive...I know what's important and I"m so thankful that I could learn that lesson without any mass casualty.

Blogs....

How hard is it to update a blog every day, to post even the most mundane aspects of life? Evidently, incredibly hard.  My grandfather kept a journal every night of his life, up until he had his stroke a few years ago, leaving him unable to write or read.   Someday, those journals will be our only vision into his life.

I so want to give that gift to my daughters.  So, I'm trying again!

This weekend was a beautiful fall weekend in Maine.  The weather is unseasonably warm for October which is so lovely.  We've finally had a fall that feels enjoyable instead of winter-like.  Yesterday Andy went to the red sox game, where they won and cinched a spot in the World Series!  He'll never forget that.  Beaner had karate, which she is absolutely loving.  I'm seeing small changes in her confidence, and she says things like, "Mom I broke a board at karate, so I can do hard things now."  LOVE THAT.

Emily cheered for the last PAL game of the season.  And now they have one week left to practice for their competition next weekend.  She loves cheering, and it shows!  Then they were babysat by Maddie at the Hallens house, so that mom could go to Mainely Brews with the Hallens and Vigues.  Fun fun night full of laughing and new memories made.

Today we had our traditional "Carlton Family Bake Off."  Millie and Dad made tollhouse pie (it's in the oven right now and smells ammmmmazing.)  Beaner and Mom made pumpkin pie that is cooling on the counter and smells deliciously like fall.  Grandma and Grandad are coming over tonight to taste test!